In the middle of something

Yesterday I turned 45. It felt like I’m really in the middle of something now.

I was struggled to decide if I still wanted to write here, on the WordPress platform I’ve been invested in almost the past two decades. I thought about Ghost and Statamic. But I kinda had the feeling just writing but not being too nerdy to set up new toys. So here I am.

All sorts of things were being thrown together in a very short amount of time. At least to me it felt like so. Yesterday I was pretty overwhelmed. I watched Inside Out and couldn’t help crying for a lot of time.

It was a bless. Two dear friends called me right before I was about ending the movie and the day, we chatted for three hours despite I could tell they were getting tired. They still were there chatting with me and made things a lot of better before the call. Couldn’t thank them more to save my birthday night for me.

This is the third time I came to Niseko for my birthday. The first was in 2019, before the pandemic shook the world. And I felt in love at the first sight.

That was quite a good year for me. I got a great job formally first time in my life, pay was great, life had never been so stable and established. It was my 40th birthday and I suddenly had the epiphany and said to myself: Remember the happiness you feel at the moment and promise you’ll always choose to be happy from now on.

I decided to come back every birthday. But the borders locked down for COVID for several years. I could only visit the beautiful Mt. Yotei again several years later in 2023. And thankfully nothing forbidded me to do it again this year.

I’ve been believing it’s the great mountain view in front of me to inspire me for that decision. Happiness is a decision to make. You decide you will be happy and act on it no matter what. People rarely know that. I was fortunate enough to realize that before coming into middle ages.

I still get all kinds of negative emotions of course. In fact, I do wonder sometimes that if I don’t have negative emotions, will I still be able to be happy? Not like I’m cling to those negativeness though. It surely is hard to think about such topics. But leave them once in a while can be a good and healthy habit.

I have two days left to enjoy the view. I’m grateful for having the opportunity to come back to Mt. Yotei and channeling with such great energy.